I don’t feel like writing anything. I suppose that’s an odd statement to write. I wish I could will my thoughts to the page but I assume this is something most people have experienced at all points or another. The problem is that the only alternative is recording as I speak but that broaches on the podcast territory. I guess that has a negative context. Rather, I just feel people would be less inclined to listen to an audio book of what should be written, or ad minimum edited. The way I think is undeservedly permanent in nature and so doesn’t really lend itself to recording. I guess? I dunno. Critiquing yourself, while very common, yields little in the way of perspective.

A jumble of thoughts. Picking one seems unimportant since if something meant something then I would have picked it. This is important in ascertaining my real level of care in the following.

I was gone this weekend in Charleston, IL though and so I have the obvious events in front of me to either associate my writing with either the events upon returning or the experience of leaving. As the former will most likely lend itself to recounting events where people may read or hear that I’ve commented on their behavior, or simply record the interaction, I will choose to steer clear of that. I’ve never been a fan of recounting events where mine only opinion is the source. Seems like an unfair treatment to the people involved.

This is a good reason to not include stories in my sets that speak of others specifically. I find it distasteful to do so. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with others doing it. They can only hold their own opinion of events as fact. I just don’t trust even myself to recount true motives of others in a way that would truly portray an accurate series of events. As I may strive to avoid a lone point of view: it’s all my memory has to go on.  So I am subject to my own skepticism.

I will say that in the field of recounting others’ behavior, people are pretty gung ho about that shit. “They said BLANK” and then you just have to go ok and wait until you can hear the other side of the story. But that’s a step a lot of people I think ignore. The whole idea that something sold as fact is not necessarily so. God Forbid you wait for the second half of the story. Of course, assuming only two were present. The more people, the more sides to a story. Gotta catch ’em all.

My favorite book as a kid was The Rats of Nimh not for the story, but rather that the teacher assigning the book also assigned another book. The same story, but from a different perspective. Sure, I could google it. I don’t want to though and the second title is irrelevant.

Facts are, same story but they change from one perspective to another.

For example, I know a lady that I had a brief sexual encounter with. I didn’t think anything of it. To me, the events occurred as follows; 1. I go to a bar looking for friends, 2. All friends gone except one lady I knew,  3. Out of boredom and annoyance that all friends were gone but you worked yourself up to hang out, you invite the lady to come home with you, 4. The lady performs oral on you and you then ask her leave (real classy, Sean), 5. Lady leaves without issue and you never speak of it again.

Now, these events are important as they are, to me, as facts. This is however not how things are known. The lady in question, recounts things differently. She frequently (enough that I’ve heard this recanting numerous times) mentions to people casually that we had a “thing” or that we “hooked up”. I can’t argue that the events that happened couldn’t be interpreted as hooking up, or that this event is a thing. To me personally though, we had no thing. Nor, did we hook up. To me, I just didn’t take into account the full consequences of my actions and selfishly sought a pretty decent blow job. Frankly, as far as Thursdays went, it was pretty good. BUT, I do NOT appreciate a lady out there constantly stressing that we might have had more than we did. I could express this, but what would I gain? Her hurt and spurn? For what? To have some semblance of a reputation that really amounts to nothing? Why would I wish to take away what, she apparently feels was special. It’s a damned if you do, damned it you don’t situation. The problem lies in that I don’t want to say I’m embarrassed to have done a “thing” with her. Because I’m not.

The problem is that people, boys mostly but women too, tend to take this information and make ill use of it. Sex, in all its insidious legal forms, is a mutual decision. I feel this idea is still, while legally agreeable, not commonly held. Women are seduced and tricked. God forbid they want something for themselves and aren’t a prize, trophy, and/or conquest.

And so, I have taken the opinion that it is always best to keep your mouth shut. Don’t talk. I feel every time she says something, she is not only irritating me by making me respond to a flippant night, but also, lowering the odds that I can book her without scrutiny or be booked by her without the same scrutiny.

While a stretch for some, that logic is most certainly in some person’s wheelhouse.

FUCK IT

No.

People’s careers are not to be trifled with. I will never risk impeding yours because someone else misused information I could have prevented from being public.

I am only comfortable sharing that example because it’s my passive aggressive way of saying, “Shut the fuck up before I have to publicly correct you.” My reputation isn’t a damned conversation piece. Do unto others is a real bitch to live by when you have higher standards of what shouldn’t be done.

No one benefits from talking. I had another lady recently tell me, “I had to tell somebody”. No, you didn’t. You could have recounted a tale where the names were changed and still felt the same release. I lie often and routinely. I feel no remorse for this. If you ask a question where the knowledge can only inconvenience others, I may not give you the truth. I am however a fan of giving you what you want. It’s simply a matter of giving you enough truth to believe, but not enough to inconvenience myself or others later. Yeah, I know, not a popular opinion. We’re all completely honest or completely false.

Thing is, we’re all looking for something when we ask questions. If I give you what you’re looking for while saving another person’s reputation, what’s the harm? An odd example, but a telling one;

I constantly lie about my age. Recently, two articles about my work were released where one said I was 29, and another said 32. That was a mistake on my part. I should have been watching my lies more closely. Lies are so much effort, even the simplest ones require an attention to detail we all sorely lack. Mistakes were made.

Either way, I use this as an example for when lying is acceptable as I tout honesty as if they were sponsoring me.

When someone asks me my age, I don’t respond. I wait. Within 30 seconds, the questioner will supply their own answer. “How old are you?… 32?” To which, I always respond, “yeah”. I let them feel they’re right. Why not? What if I’m 29? or 31? or 25? It doesn’t matter because you know that any attributes you assign to those ages, are stereotypes. Wisdom is gained through experience, not age. You don’t know the experience under my belt any more than the dollars in my bank account.

I wouldn’t dare to assume yours. Don’t try to make sense of my personality via erroneous facts such as age. To me, the question almost seems insulting. Not because I’m ashamed of it, but rather that you asked my zodiac or shoe size and wish to apply it to the particular conversation. What if you have some bias based on age where in you are much older than me and then apply that belief that young = dumb and discount the validity of my arguments. I lose based on something I can’t help and am a victim of prejudice (however slight compared to the normal examples of prejudice).

But to tie this all together, information should not always be shared, and not always correlated. The majority of people will draw illogical facts from logical information. The only way you can prevent misinformation and others misappropriating information, is to keep your mouth shut, lest we all look the fool. Drowning in our own care for nothing: taken too far.

“Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts.”

Stay silent, stay skeptical.